Doubt

Work is work, you go, you do what you have to do, you get the hell out of there. Should it always be that way though? Do you really spend thousands of dollars on an education to get a job that you could have done without the degree and still make the same amount of money? Are you always suppose to hate your job?

I find that the work I do at my job, while time consuming, is not anything particularly difficult. While a lot of it is tasks I have never encountered before (like calling up different companies to understand the multi-line phone systems and copy machines to get the best deal), it is all a learning process, experience for the next big thing. Is there really a next big thing?

I encountered a woman yesterday during a peak time on a Saturday afternoon. There were two birthday parties going on, on it is transition stage of getting into their room while the other needed to be cleaned, team practice ending, another beginning, and sales techniques that needed to be handled with straggling parents in the lobby. I was the only one around to handle it all at once. The woman was looking for her child's jacket she had left at our facility a week before. I had seen it around, but at this moment it was nowhere to be found. There are a number of people, including myself, that could have moved it our discarded it. I looked in all of the places that it could have been. I apologized to her and informed her that I could not find it, but if she left her name and number she would be called if it was found. She was not happy with this answer and become agitated. Apparently someone had told her earlier on in the week it was there. Again I apologized and told her I could not find it. She insisted I take her around to look for it. I did so, all the while telling her I had looked everywhere. I myself was now becoming agitated. I was trying to keep my cool, but her attitude with me was infectious. While walking around the facility, coached and parents were approaching me asking for help. This only increased my frustration. I can multitask at work with the best of them, but this was a bit overwhelming.

I finally came across my manager and coworker who had finally decided to stop playing with a parents dog outside. I could not take it any longer and passed the woman off to them. It must have been clear to her that we were all disorganized and had no idea what we were doing at that point in time. I felt bad for her and for the company that we were making such an impression. I needed to step away and handle other duties. After my manager had told her the same thing I did and got her name and number she approached me to ask me what was the matter. After explaining it to her, she talked down to me like a child, told me to get a grip, not let people see me frustrated, and get back to work.

While she was right that I needed to keep my cool, I began to question a few things. Why did I not have the help and support I needed from my coworkers in order to handle everything at once appropriately. Was that really the issue, or was I the issue? Do I just suck at my job? Do I not have what it takes to step up in the ladder and be a manager? If my manager had been around to handle it and gone through what I did with the pressure of everything at once would she have cracked or could she have remained composed?

I left work that day, after handling the rest of the craziness, feeling defeated. Am I doomed to work these dead end stressful jobs forever? Will I never get to a place where I am satisfied with my work? Will I always have to work in disorganization with no support, no money, and coworkers who always seem to make me feel bad about myself, even with their insincere compliments? Am I the issue? I do not know. All I know is that graduation is on the horizon, I am at a job who cannot guarantee me that I can have full time hours when the time comes, but makes me feel bad about thinking of other options to secure my future.