You have probably seen them a million times before.....the overweight girl trying to lose weight and blogging about it website. Well, here is another one for you!
I would like to be insightful and tell you that it is not just about losing weight, it is about living a healthy life. I can't do that; at least not yet.
I started reading this blog a few days again, http://keepingupwithkatie.com/, and it got me thinking. She promotes a happy and healthy lifestyle. She shows you all the healthy foods she eats, the running she does, and how it all ties into losing 50 pounds on weight watchers. She is a really great writer. Her story is cheerful, inspiring, and hopeful. She hasn't blogged in quite a few months, but since there are three years of back blogs it has kept me busy. I found myself yearning for the happiness that she projects from each post that she writes. A simpler life focused on healthy choices, fitness, love, family, and the small things in everyday occurrences.
I too need to lose somewhere in the 50 pound range. Every few weeks I vow to diet and exercise. It goes well……for the first two weeks. I then inevitably fall back into old habits of drinking a lot of alcohol, going out to eat and getting fatty and greasy meals, sitting on my butt at work and at home, and continuously gaining weight.
I have always struggled with my weight. When I was young, let's say between birth and 9 years old, I was fairly active, my mom had me eating right, and I was average weight. I was happy with myself and my life, well, as much as you can be at that age I suppose. Then my family moved and I switched schools. Over that summer before I started my new school I was nervous and depressed. I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house eating everything and anything I wanted. My grandfather had a sweet tooth and loved everything drowned in salt and butter. By the time the summer was over my weight had sky rocketed. This was my first experience with emotional eating. This has led to a life long battle of comforting myself with food.
It got worse from there. I continuously gained weight from trying to fill the void of being unaccepted and bullied from 4th grade to 10th grade. At my max weight I was 200 pounds. Being 200 pounds and in high school certainly didn’t help the bullying. I don’t know why I thought eating more was going to help, but it made me feel better, even just for a moment, so I did it. I still do it.
In 10th grade I switched schools again. This would be the 4th school I had attended. I started working retail, I had a long commute to school with a lot of walking, I went through a “bad break up” and decided not eating would be the best way to deal with it, and viola! I lost 70 pounds. I was ecstatic. People were complimenting my left and right, I finally got the really cute boy to notice me, I could buy whatever clothes I wanted, and I could wear a bikini! Life was good.
I kept it off for about 4 years. Problem was I didn’t really try to lose the weight. I had not consciously said “I am going to work hard and change the way I eat and exercise more and lose 70 pounds”. Therefore, I did not learn how to eat healthy or keep up with a regular fitness regimen. I was in my 3rd year of college when I switched to a desk job and discovered the love of food again. The weight slowly started creeping back on. With each pound I grew more concerned and depressed. I had gained back about 20 pounds when I met the love of my life. He seemed to love me and like my body, so I convinced myself that it was not a big deal. 4 years and another 30 pounds later, I hate my body and my insecurities run wild. He still loves me and my body, or so he says. So now what?
I have heard a lot about weight watchers and its many success stories. Problem with that is it costs a lot of money. Well, maybe not a lot of money, but enough that I am concerned with committing to that amount and still paying my rent. I also believe I am just scared of change in general. I am afraid I will start this journey and I will fail. I will not lose the weight or I will lose it and gain it right back. I do not eat vegetables and fruit a lot. I never had. The only vegetables I will admit to liking are corn, carrots, and squash. For years all I liked, but never ate, for fruit was bananas. My favorite foods are anything chocolate, macaroni and cheese, and cheeseburgers. I always thought "who needs healthy food, I want to enjoy my food!" Now I have enjoyed my food and dislike myself.
Well anyways, now that I have rambled on for a while, I think it is time to learn some new habits. This all came about from being inspired from the blog I am reading. I made my first trip to Whole Foods yesterday with the boyfriend. We spent a lot of money buying most of the things I have seen on the blog. I am not too sure what I bought or how to use it, but here are some things I have tried so far……
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